TITO – THE WRITER, BREAKING THE MASK OF ACCEPTANCE
Raped twice and thrived through vaginismus, she rose through scars and healed from religion. She writes her story better but had it written for long by the validation she sought. She bears scars from her fight for validation but through it all, she rose victorious. Have you heard the term, suffering and smiling? This lifestyle was not new to the girl called Titoluwa.
TitOluwa’s journey began before she even entered the world, in the womb of a mother whose anxieties may have unknowingly cast a shadow over her unborn child. From the tender age of innocence, Tito sought the love she craved, yearning for validation from her mother. Little did she know that life’s cruel twists awaited her, as she faced the darkness that lurked in the corners of her existence.
At six, the world unveiled its harsh reality to Tito in a disturbing encounter that left her marked and silenced. A perpetrator, shielded by secrecy, stole a piece of her innocence, She was raped – echoing the painful refrain of violated trust. Unknown to Tito, this was just the prologue to a tale where the protagonist would endure further trials.
The divorce of her parents at eight brought its own set of challenges, laying the groundwork for a tumultuous adolescence. Thirteen marked a sinister deja vu when another predator, disguised as a retired colonel, betrayed the trust she placed in her passion for music. The echoes of her voice, once a symbol of joy, became a haunting reminder of the trauma she endured. his times, the predictor wore a different skin. Tito had loved music and had written some songs, she was the girl who sang her way to school, so loud for the estate to note that Tito with the voice was passing. A retired colonel whose job was to keep his body safe by exercising admired the potential in the little and deceitfully told her that he would like to record her songs in his studio. The little girl fixed a date at the studio with the old man. The day came, little Tito had left home to the house of the retired colonel, within the estate. The retired colonel had requested that she rehearse the songs before heading for the studio. While rehearsing her songs in the dining area of the house, little Tito realised that the retired colonel had wickedly released his dogs to roam around her only exists out of the house. She was weakened, it happened again, she was raped. After he accomplished his act, he sent her out of his house, with a two hundred naira note.
Tito was wounded. First, her mum had tried discouraging her from singing. She preferred that her daughter focus on her academics rather than music. Secondly, she did not inform anyone in the house about where she was headed. So, she threw the book of composed songs and lived with the guilt that she brought that incident upon herself. What if she had not sung on her way to school? What if she had not gone to see the man without the knowledge of her family members? Months later, she told her mum about the incident but nothing was outrightly done to bring him to book. The scars she bore became an invisible burden, affecting her self-esteem and casting a shadow over her academic pursuits.
Yet, amidst the darkness, Tito’s unique upbringing offered a glimmer of light. Her mother, not bound by religious dogma but guided by a spiritual connection, instilled in her a belief in the power of faith. To Tito’s mother, Christianity is not a religion, it is a lifestyle, it is a practice of a man’s self-awareness of his spiritual being and a clear combination with God. An incident was told of how Tito’s mother reacted when she arrived from work to realise that her less-than-a-year-old Tito was blind. She had left Tito in the care of her Nanny as a whole child, after the nanny relayed what had occurred to the mother that the baby had been acting all fine with her eyes closed, Tito’s mother took her child in her hands, got into one of the rooms and prayed her child eyes open, speaking in tongues.
In seeking validations, she had dated a lot of men. She once cracked a joke that if she was to get all her exes into a bus, an eighteen-seater bus would not be enough. Some dates lasted for three days, one week… it was that ridiculous. In the midst of this, the supernatural was calling, she carried answers for her world. Sometimes, the least of people are chosen.
Years of funny acts, heartbreaks, shame and open corrections. Her chronicle opened its chapters to the beauty of marriage, Tito got married. She was three years older than her husband. The internet buzzed, everyone with their opinions but the couple had more pressing issues. The culmination of her struggles manifested in the form of marriage, where Tito faced the heartbreaking reality of vaginismus. The very body that had endured violations in silence now rebelled against intimacy. A visit to the gynecologist, marked by unprofessionalism and pain, led to a scheduled surgery at the renowned University College Hospital in Ibadan.
It was in the depths of despair that Tito found a lifeline—a documentary that mirrored her struggles with vaginismus. Armed with newfound knowledge, she navigated a path to healing and successfully embraced intimacy. Her revelation spurred a courageous act—taking to social media to share her story and subsequently penning a book to address the taboo surrounding vaginismus.
TitOluwa Sam-Oladapo, now known as Tito – The Writer, has rewritten her story with a pen dipped in empowerment. Her life, once marred by suffering, has become a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. In her journey as a Christian, living out true faith, and as a woman unapologetically vocal about a hidden pain, Tito has emerged as a beacon of hope.
Her story challenges us to reflect on our own scars, to embrace vulnerability, and to find strength in adversity. In the least expected individuals lies the power to shake generations with rare solutions. TitOluwa Sam-Oladapo’s journey serves as a reminder that, no matter the depths of suffering, the human spirit has the capacity to rise, redefine, and inspire.
About the Author
Tears ran down my eye as I read this article. From grass to GRACE.
I found strength in my vulnerability after reading this.
Thank you so much.
You are welcome. Thanks for reading.